Well, here's a little e-mail I picked up on another forum...

kytaira

(I have done this, apparently with less results than this guy........Poor soul!)

My wife Kathy is fond of saying that my last words on this
earth will be something akin to, "hey y'all, hold my beer
and watch this!" Well, I have outdone myself once again. No
doubt you will see this true story chronicled in a LifeTime
movie in the near future. Here goes.
Last weekend I spied something at Larry's Pistol and Pawn
that tickled my fancy. (Note: Keep in mind that my "fancy"
is easily tickled). I bought something really cool for Toni.
The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking for
a little something extra for my sweet girl. What I came
across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer gun with a clip. For those of you who are not familiar with this product, it is a less-than-lethal stun gun with two metal
prongs designed to incapacitate an assailant with a shock of high-voltage, low amperage electricity while you flee to
safety. The effects are supposed to be short lived, with no
long-term adverse affect on your assailant, but allowing you adequate time to retreat to safety. You simply jab the
prongs into your 250 lb. Tattooed assailant, push the
button, and it will render him a slobbering, goggle-eyed,
muscle-twitching, whimpering, pencil-neck geek. If you've
never seen one of these things in action, then you're truly
missing out--way too cool!
Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was so disappointed. Upon reading the directions (we don't need no stinkin' directions), I found much to my chagrin that this particular model would not create an arch between the prongs. How disappointing! I do love fire for effect. I learned that if I pushed the button,
however, and pressed it against a metal surface that I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs that I was so looking forward to. I did so. Awesome!!! Sparks, a blue arch of electricity, and a loud pop!!! Yipeeeeee . . I'm easily amused, just for your
information, but I have yet to explain to Kathy what that
burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to
myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two
triple-a batteries, etc., etc. There I sat in my recliner,
my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul),
reading the directions (that would be me, not Gracie) and
thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a
flesh and blood target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie for a fraction of a second and thought better of it.
She is such a sweet kitty, after all. But, if I was going to give this thing to Kathy to protect herself against a
mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as
advertised. Am I wrong? Was I wrong to think that? Seemed
reasonable to me at the time...
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my
reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, Tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. All the while I'm looking at this little device (measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference, pretty cute really, and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself, "no friggin' way!" Friggin' way--trust me, but I'm getting ahead of myself.
>
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best. Those of you who know me well have got a pretty
good idea of what followed. I'm sitting there alone, Gracie
looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say,
"don't do it buddy," reasoning that a one-second burst from
such a tiny lil' ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad
(sound, rational thinking under the circumstances, wouldn't
you agree?). I decided to give myself a one-second burst
just for the hell of it. (Note: You know, a bad decision is
like hindsight--always twenty-twenty. It is so obvious that
it was a bad decision after the fact, even though it seemed
so right at the time. Don't ya hate that?)
I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button,
and HOLY **************! DAaaaauuuuuuMN!!! I'm pretty sure
that Jessie Ventura ran in through the front door, picked me up out of that recliner, then body slammed me on the carpet over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, soaking wet, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position. Gracie was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, do it again!"
(Note: If you ever feel compelled to mug yourself with a
Tazer, one note of caution. There is no such thing as a
one-second burst when you zap yourself. You're not going to
let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. Then, if you're
lucky, you won't dislodge one of the prongs 1/4" deep in
your thigh like yours truly.) SON-OF-A-***** that hurt! A
minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative
thing at this point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they get there??? My triceps, right thigh and both titties were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with
Novocain, as my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. give or take an
ounce or two, I'm pretty sure. No more experimentation for me!

And the moral is?

Rev. Anthony
_________________
What I know could fill a book or two, but what I hope to learn could fill a library or two.....

**Ferre** · Posted: Mon Sep 13, 2004 4:40 pm Post subject:

Don't use those tazers on yourself. Laughing

_________________
█ Please read the Board Rules and Posting, and you
█ Radio Free Amsterdam
People who know truth, speak truth.
Those who don't, quote scriptures.

Lilli · Posted: Mon Sep 13, 2004 5:43 pm Post subject:

lol That is hilarious I laughed till I cried.

On another note the Kansas City Police are doing some very bad things with them. A 68 year old woman honked her horn because a police car was blocking her driveway. The cop came back and gave her a ticket. She was standing outside her car and said " I have never had a ticket in my life and im not taking that one" an pushed his hand away and started to walk away. Guess what He TAZED HER. This woman has had no trouble with the law her whole 68 yrs.

Just this last week they pulled over a black Reverend who they say matched the description of a criminal they were looking for. ( he had a car load of kids and was taking them to the ball game) They started manhandling him an he ran an they tazed him as well. Its really getting out of hand.
_________________

I pass to you the torch that Christ once passed to me.
Others are still in the dark and need
the light to see.
"I AM"
"Gathering the fragments so that
none are lost"
His Shepherdess
http://missouri.thcministry.org/

**Ferre** · Posted: Mon Sep 13, 2004 6:57 pm Post subject:

yep, I have read about that. All part of the nazification of the US.

TSRev. · Posted: Mon Sep 13, 2004 8:11 pm Post subject:

Dude! That is a way cool experiment you did!
I think I know what went wrong.The experiment will be incomplete untill you try it with the taser in your OTHER hand.
Do it for science! (don't forget the cat thinks it's a good idea too)
Please let us know how it goes, video would be even better. Laughing

Lilli · Posted: Mon Sep 13, 2004 8:38 pm Post subject:

Always remember "curiosity killed the cat"
_________________

I pass to you the torch that Christ once passed to me.
Others are still in the dark and need
the light to see.
"I AM"
"Gathering the fragments so that
none are lost"
His Shepherdess
http://missouri.thcministry.org/

kytaira · Posted: Mon Sep 13, 2004 10:16 pm Post subject:

Unfortunately, My results were way less hysterical.....

One night after a heavy night of drinking, I stumbled back to the car I was going to get a ride home in. Once into the car, I heard a strange zapping sound, similar to that of a bug zapper that is zapping a bug. I looked into the car next me. Low and behold to my surprise, as these things are illegal here, was the driver of the car next to me tapping his tazer to set the blue spark.

Well, I couldn't just let this opportunity pass me by, after all, I was drunk and who'd eally care, so I asked the guy quietly, sorta, if I could see the tazer momentarily. And, well, probably to shut me (as there were about 3 or 4 cop cars in the lot) he quickly handed it over the small gap between the cars. Zap, Zap, Zap. A couple of quick clicks to see the neato blue spark!

Then a little slurred voice said, "Hey try it on yourself!". And Following my drunk buddies advice, whom was almost passed out in the back seat until this moment, I zapped my own leg. It twitched, I went "Ahhhhhhhhh!" and then without warning, I laughed my ass off. It was one of the more interesting sensations I have ever felt next to home electricity (but that's a completely different story...lol).
So with my not having had problems, my drunk friend wants to try too. Now I guess the difference between us this night was jewelry......He wore a ring. So when he zapped his arm, the electric current found his ring and circled almost continuously, until, while screaming something about "Oh my God, my finger, it feels like it's being cut off or something!", he flung the ring to the floor, and passed me back the tazer. And I laughed even harder.
I proceeded to zap my leg a couple more times to watch it twitch, while I moaned and graoned in pain, only dull though, as the alcohol was aplenty in my system that night.
That's all there was to my experiment, not near as funny, or as painful it seems......

Rev. Anthony
_________________
What I know could fill a book or two, but what I hope to learn could fill a library or two.....