| View previous topic :: View next topic |
| Author |
Message |
aeroplane
Cannabis Sacrament Minister
Joined: 10 Nov 2004
Posts: 1472
Location: Valhalla
|
 Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 7:41 am Post subject: True doctor tales... |
 |
|
I received this in an email and I thought I'd share. Sorry, I don't know the source.
| Quote: |
True Doctor Stories
A man comes into the ER and yells,
"My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!"
I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's --Dress,
and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs,
and I was in the wrong one.
--Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on
an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
"Big breaths," I instructed.
"Yes, they used to be", remorsefully replied the patient.
--Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that
her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.
Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family
that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
--Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test.
I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began,
"Cover your right eye with your hand."
He read the 20/20 line perfectly.
"Now your left." Again, a flawless read.
"Now both," I requested. There was silence.
He couldn't even read the large E on the top line.
I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked;
he was standing there with both his eyes covered.
I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
--Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with me, his cardiologist,
he informed me that he was having trouble with one of his medications.
"Which one?" I asked.
"The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and
now I'm running out of places to put it!"
I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see.
Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
--Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient,
I asked, "How long have you been bed-ridden?"
After a look of complete confusion she answered ...
"Why, not for about twenty years
-- when my husband was alive."
--Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked,
So, how's your breakfast this morning?"
It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste,"
the patient replied.
I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled
"KY Jelly."
--Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
And Finally . . . .
A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed
performing female pelvic exams.
To cover his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.
The middle aged lady upon whom he was performing this
exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassed him.
He looked up from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?"
She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was
'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener."
--won't admit his name |
_________________
"Penalties against the possession of a drug
should not be more damaging to the individual
than the drug itself."
US President Jimmy Carter |
|
| Back to top |
|
 |
bridgey
getting into high spirits
Joined: 15 Apr 2005
Posts: 1
Location: A Purple Haze
|
| Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 12:13 am Post subject: |
|
|
haha thats great shit, thanks
_________________
 |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Stokes
Cannabis Sacrament Minister
Joined: 28 Nov 2004
Posts: 1426
Location: PA
|
| Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 12:22 am Post subject: |
|
|
_________________
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Where love is, there God is also.
-Mahatma Gandhi |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Rev.Holden Greene
Cannabis Sacrament Minister
Joined: 25 Feb 2005
Posts: 482
Location: us
|
| Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 12:25 am Post subject: |
|
|
funny stuff
_________________
"look...the people you are looking for are the people you depend on.we cook your meals , we haul your trash ,we connect your calls, we drive your ambulances,we guard you while you sleep"
Tyler Durdan |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Echo
Cannabis Sacrament Minister
Joined: 14 Apr 2003
Posts: 1899
Location: England
|
| Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 8:32 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Quote: |
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient,
I asked, "How long have you been bed-ridden?"
After a look of complete confusion she answered ...
"Why, not for about twenty years
-- when my husband was alive."
--Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
|
This is a gem 
_________________
| Tom Petty wrote: |
Well I know what’s right, I got just one life
In a world that keeps on pushin’ me around
But I’ll stand my ground and I won’t back down
|
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
|
|
Public Forum
Members only forum
Members Group
| 
