Pot Jokes Thread - and I go first

[ari]

Hello, I'm Ari, I'm new, and I'm here for fun

I thought it would be fun to open a Marijuana, Cannabis and Hash jokes thread!

You are welcomed to write any jokes you know as long as they include smoking, smokers, cannabis, Marijuana, hash, , , chillum, and their friends! Here are the first ones:

- Stoned head died and went to hell. He opened his eyes and he sees of a huge marijuana field. Tons and tons of high quality juicy buds around him. He cannot believe his eyes. Suddenly, he sees another Stonehead. He runs towards him. And asks him in an astonished voice: "is this really hell? I always thought hell is lava and fire."



- The other Stonehead starts yelling: "Fire, Fire! You have Fire? We don't have fire here..."

Go on and add your favorite jokes
_________________
Ari
Cannabis Seeds

[Nachtschattenreich]

I know this one as a cartoon by Tom of Die Tageszeitung, but he made it about nicotine.

Just being curious, which bundesland are you writing from?

[ari]

Hi,

Ich bin nicht aus Deustchland Aber ich habe ein bisien Deustch by Berlitz gelehernt

I've written Germany just to fade my true identity in this crazy world.

Where are you from?
_________________
Ari
Cannabis Seeds

[Nachtschattenreich]

I am from a place where the only Cannabis you can find is the one you bring there yourself, but which is rich of native Belladonna.

[ari]

So here's one to cheer you up. Ready?

A stoner stumbles out of a party, and starts to walk home.
One the way he bumps into a guy who is all bloody and mangled. The guy limps up to the stoner and says "Call me an ambulance!" The stoner looks at him for a second, smiles and says, "You're an ambulance!"

_________________
Ari
Cannabis Seeds

[Nachtschattenreich]

I´ve unearthed this from the archive:



"Hi Sweetheart!" - "Hi!" - "How are you?"

"Oh, work was as always... but the trip back was the total horror." - "Hm, stoner paranoia."

[budObud]

"If a dope smoking hippy looks in a mirror .....
Do they see hip smok'n dopies looking back?"


"Ah man, my silly mule Don Keyhotee, ate my 1/2 lb of cannabis sensamillia and got loose from the tie up at the country western bar and is headed straight for the Hard Rock Cafe'. I can tell following the directions of her foot prints.

Got to catch up to her before she burrows herself into being a jackass at the bar.

If you see her, you can get her attention with a burrito, she always gets the munchies. If you see her, get her attention with a burrito and tell her, Don Keyhotee, silly mule, go home before you burro youself into being a jackass at the bar at the Hard Rock Cafe'".

[Rev. Steven Wilson]

A man calls the local LEO and informs them that an aquaintance of his has a pound of bud stashed in a log in a pile of wood behind his house.

He recives a call from the guy the next morning.

"Hey Joe! The cops are here choping all my fire wood up!"

"Yes I know Jim. Happy Birthday buddy."
_________________
Once a man sees his immortality, there is no turning back. He is on the Quest of Knowledge whether he knows it or wants it. He can fight against it and live a turbulent life. Or follow it and find inner peace.

Peace and flowers
Rev. Steven Wilson
(Shaman Quester)

[budObud]

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=stoner+jokes+and+the+lizard&btnG=Google+Search

http://hagfishchronicles.blogspot.com/2007/02/one-of-worst-old-stoner-jokes.html

A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a when a lizard walks past and looks up and says to the monkey, "hey! what are you doing?"

The monkey says "smoking a , come up and have some."

So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have a few hits.

After a while the lizard says his mouth is dry and is going to get a drink from the river. The lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river.

A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the lizard, "what's the matter with you?"

The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a with the monkey in the tree, got so stoned he fell into the riverwhile taking a drink.

The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the jungle, finds the tree were the monkey is sitting, finishing the . He looks up and says, "hey!"

The Monkey looks down and says, "man, just how damn much water did you drink?"

[budObud]

Since Cannabis is close related to Cannibal; and;

Cannibal is close related to Blood Sacrificing Drackconians; and;

Drackconian is close related to Illuminati; and;

Illuminati is close related to 911;

Did a good buzz cause the Twin Towers to fall.

Here hit this ..................



Kaneoh Bossm

Kane - Hawaiian God of Life, got a statue here proving that as souvinor.

Bossom - A thing kids suck for life giving milk.

Finish this more better ones ..... where is the joke here?

[The Moose]

Q. What is the difference between politicians and stoners ?
A. Politicians don't inhale...they just suck.
_________________
Rollme-wan Mordoobie, the Redeyed Jedi
************************************
There is . . . but one categorical imperative: Act only on that maxim whereby thou canst at the same time will that it should become a universal law. ~~~Immanuel Kant.

[The Moose]

Q. What is the difference between politicians and stoners ?
A. Politicians don't inhale...they just suck.
_________________
Rollme-wan Mordoobie, the Redeyed Jedi
************************************
There is . . . but one categorical imperative: Act only on that maxim whereby thou canst at the same time will that it should become a universal law. ~~~Immanuel Kant.