HOW TO TALK TO YOUR JEWISH FRIENDS ABOUT ISRAEL...

[Mystic Power]

Published on Thursday, August 10, 2006 by CommonDreams.org

How to Talk to Your Jewish Friends About Israel
by Ira Chernus

“I can talk to my Jewish friends about anything -- except Israel. When that subject comes up, they just shut down.”

I’ve heard this complaint from so many people, so many times, that I want to offer a few suggestions about how to talk to your “pro-Israel” Jewish friends. I hope this will be helpful to everyone, Jew and non-Jew alike, who is critical of Israel’s war policy and wants to move public opinion toward peace.

First, you can think about your own reasons for raising the subject. Are you just trying to express yourself -- to bear moral witness or vent moral outrage? Or do you want to help your Jewish friends think about Israel’s actions in a new, more peace-oriented way? Let’s assume it’s the latter.

That means you aren’t just trying to score points and win the debate. So there’s no reason to go on the attack. Even though you may have most of the right and justice on your side, take it slow and easy. If you put your Jewish friends on the defensive, they are likely to close their ears, eyes, and minds. That’s what we all do when we feel defensive about anything.

And many of your friends probably feel defensive when it comes to Israel. They are defending themselves against the voice of their own conscience. They are morally sensitive people. That’s what is so frustrating. They care deeply about social justice in every other arena. But there is something peculiar about this Israel thing that seems to throw their normal ethical compass out of whack.

That “something” is a very complicated mix of factors. Part of it is a lifetime’s worth of socialization. They’ve been raised in a community that assumes -- without question, as an article of faith -- that Israel really is fighting for its life. They’ve been taught to see Israel as an innocent victim, surrounded by irrational, barbaric anti-semites bent on destroying it. So all Israel can do is fight back.

Your friends have been told this so many times, by so many people, in so many ways that it will take an immense mental shift to begin to question it. Imagine someone trying to convince you that the sun rises in the west, and you’ll begin to understand what an effort you are asking them to make.

At the same time, your friends still have that ethical compass. They are bound to be disturbed by the pictures they see on television. They know that the Lebanese and Palestinians are suffering far worse than the Israelis. They don’t value Jewish life more than Arab life. (If they did, they wouldn’t be your friends, right?)

So they are in a deep bind. They feel sure Israel is an innocent victim. Yet they can see the clear evidence that Israel bears some responsibility -- and, they’re beginning to suspect, culpability -- for the violence. They know two things that seem obviously true yet can’t both be true, because they contradict each other. Psychologists call that cognitive dissonance.

Cognitive dissonance hurts. People cope with the pain in different ways. Often they just stop thinking about the whole subject. It’s too hard to try to hold both sides of the contradiction in mind at once. So they find relief by getting mentally paralyzed.

There’s a large segment of the American Jewish community that deals with Israel by trying not to think about it. If some of your friends are in that camp, and you raise the issue, you are disturbing the ease of their mental slumber. You are forcing them to look at both sides of the contradiction. Naturally, they get irritable. They’d rather not talk about it at all.

Cognitive dissonance puts people on the defensive because it’s so confusing -- especially when the issue is as confusing as the Middle East. Few American Jews have studied the conflict in any detail. Most know only the simplistic slogans they’ve been raised with and a smattering of facts. They just fit their few facts into the ready-made “pro-Israel” mold that their Jewish socialization provides.

If you complicate matters with facts that don’t fit the mold, you’ll be forcing them to confront their own confusion. That threatens the precarious mental balance they are struggling to maintain. Naturally they’ll get defensive. It’s not you they are defending against (though it feels like it is). It’s the complexities inside their own minds.

Most of your Jewish friends probably have some uncertainty and confusion about their Jewish identity anyway, apart from questions about Israel. Unless they are rigidly Orthodox Jews, they are probably not quite sure what it means to them to be Jewish. Anything that touches on that confusion is likely to make them feel uncomfortable. They may want to push the whole subject -- and anyone who raises it -- away. That just adds to their defensiveness.

If you persist, they may very well rely on another time-tested way of coping with dissonance: Try to make the contradiction go away by denying one of the things that appear to be true. Of course it never really works. No one can make the truth disappear by sheer will power. The repressed truth inevitably presses back up and demands to be heard. But the mind, fighting to escape dissonance, tries to push it back down. It’s an understandable defensive maneuver.

If you are giving voice to a repressed truth -- that Israel bears some blame for the violence and should cease fire immediately -- you embody precisely what they are defending against. So they have to push you away, too. The more you insist on the wrongs of Israel’s actions, the more they resist you and insist that Israel must be right. They’re caught in a sad but psychologically understandable cycle.

You may be able to ease the cycle of defensiveness and help your friends hear you, if you take it slow and easy. You can start out by assuring them that you agree with them on some fundamentals. You too want Israel to exist. You too want the Israeli people be safe. The question is how Israel can best achieve security.

You can point out the obvious: This summer’s war has only created more rage among Israel’s neighbors. It’s entirely predictable that Israelis will be less secure for a long time to come. Lots of Israeli Jews are criticizing their government on this crucial point. They are certainly not “anti-Israel.” You are not “anti-Israel” either, just because you criticize the Israeli government's policies.

No matter how gently you say all this, you’ll probably trigger your friends’ dissonance and defensive buttons. But at least you’ll be starting off on some common ground. That’s why I suggest avoiding the question of Israel’s moral right or wrong and sticking to the practical question of security. Focusing on the moral issue may well press the defensive buttons so hard, the conversation may end before it begins. Focusing on security improves the chances that your friends will listen to your criticisms of Israeli policy.

They may never agree with you completely. But if you can understand them sympathetically, you can help them begin to listen to new viewpoints. Eventually, they may begin to think about Israel in new, more peace-affirming ways. That alone can make a tremendous difference. It’s worth the effort.

Ira Chernus is Professor of Religious Studies at the University of Colorado at Boulder. He is the author of "American Nonviolence: The History of an Idea" and, most recently, "Monster to Destroy: The Neoconservative War on Terror and Sin." Email to: chernus@colorado.edu.
http://www.commondreams.org/views06/0810-22.htm
###

Follow Your Bliss,
Ben
_________________
"We are the Ones we have been waiting for."
~Hopi Elder ~

"In Lak'ech"
~ Ancient Mayan: "I am another YOU." ~

[Mystic Power]

Published on Thursday, August 10, 2006 by CommonDreams.org

How to Talk to Your Jewish Friends About Israel
by Ira Chernus

“I can talk to my Jewish friends about anything -- except Israel. When that subject comes up, they just shut down.”

I’ve heard this complaint from so many people, so many times, that I want to offer a few suggestions about how to talk to your “pro-Israel” Jewish friends. I hope this will be helpful to everyone, Jew and non-Jew alike, who is critical of Israel’s war policy and wants to move public opinion toward peace.

First, you can think about your own reasons for raising the subject. Are you just trying to express yourself -- to bear moral witness or vent moral outrage? Or do you want to help your Jewish friends think about Israel’s actions in a new, more peace-oriented way? Let’s assume it’s the latter.

That means you aren’t just trying to score points and win the debate. So there’s no reason to go on the attack. Even though you may have most of the right and justice on your side, take it slow and easy. If you put your Jewish friends on the defensive, they are likely to close their ears, eyes, and minds. That’s what we all do when we feel defensive about anything.

And many of your friends probably feel defensive when it comes to Israel. They are defending themselves against the voice of their own conscience. They are morally sensitive people. That’s what is so frustrating. They care deeply about social justice in every other arena. But there is something peculiar about this Israel thing that seems to throw their normal ethical compass out of whack.

That “something” is a very complicated mix of factors. Part of it is a lifetime’s worth of socialization. They’ve been raised in a community that assumes -- without question, as an article of faith -- that Israel really is fighting for its life. They’ve been taught to see Israel as an innocent victim, surrounded by irrational, barbaric anti-semites bent on destroying it. So all Israel can do is fight back.

Your friends have been told this so many times, by so many people, in so many ways that it will take an immense mental shift to begin to question it. Imagine someone trying to convince you that the sun rises in the west, and you’ll begin to understand what an effort you are asking them to make.

At the same time, your friends still have that ethical compass. They are bound to be disturbed by the pictures they see on television. They know that the Lebanese and Palestinians are suffering far worse than the Israelis. They don’t value Jewish life more than Arab life. (If they did, they wouldn’t be your friends, right?)

So they are in a deep bind. They feel sure Israel is an innocent victim. Yet they can see the clear evidence that Israel bears some responsibility -- and, they’re beginning to suspect, culpability -- for the violence. They know two things that seem obviously true yet can’t both be true, because they contradict each other. Psychologists call that cognitive dissonance.

Cognitive dissonance hurts. People cope with the pain in different ways. Often they just stop thinking about the whole subject. It’s too hard to try to hold both sides of the contradiction in mind at once. So they find relief by getting mentally paralyzed.

There’s a large segment of the American Jewish community that deals with Israel by trying not to think about it. If some of your friends are in that camp, and you raise the issue, you are disturbing the ease of their mental slumber. You are forcing them to look at both sides of the contradiction. Naturally, they get irritable. They’d rather not talk about it at all.

Cognitive dissonance puts people on the defensive because it’s so confusing -- especially when the issue is as confusing as the Middle East. Few American Jews have studied the conflict in any detail. Most know only the simplistic slogans they’ve been raised with and a smattering of facts. They just fit their few facts into the ready-made “pro-Israel” mold that their Jewish socialization provides.

If you complicate matters with facts that don’t fit the mold, you’ll be forcing them to confront their own confusion. That threatens the precarious mental balance they are struggling to maintain. Naturally they’ll get defensive. It’s not you they are defending against (though it feels like it is). It’s the complexities inside their own minds.

Most of your Jewish friends probably have some uncertainty and confusion about their Jewish identity anyway, apart from questions about Israel. Unless they are rigidly Orthodox Jews, they are probably not quite sure what it means to them to be Jewish. Anything that touches on that confusion is likely to make them feel uncomfortable. They may want to push the whole subject -- and anyone who raises it -- away. That just adds to their defensiveness.

If you persist, they may very well rely on another time-tested way of coping with dissonance: Try to make the contradiction go away by denying one of the things that appear to be true. Of course it never really works. No one can make the truth disappear by sheer will power. The repressed truth inevitably presses back up and demands to be heard. But the mind, fighting to escape dissonance, tries to push it back down. It’s an understandable defensive maneuver.

If you are giving voice to a repressed truth -- that Israel bears some blame for the violence and should cease fire immediately -- you embody precisely what they are defending against. So they have to push you away, too. The more you insist on the wrongs of Israel’s actions, the more they resist you and insist that Israel must be right. They’re caught in a sad but psychologically understandable cycle.

You may be able to ease the cycle of defensiveness and help your friends hear you, if you take it slow and easy. You can start out by assuring them that you agree with them on some fundamentals. You too want Israel to exist. You too want the Israeli people be safe. The question is how Israel can best achieve security.

You can point out the obvious: This summer’s war has only created more rage among Israel’s neighbors. It’s entirely predictable that Israelis will be less secure for a long time to come. Lots of Israeli Jews are criticizing their government on this crucial point. They are certainly not “anti-Israel.” You are not “anti-Israel” either, just because you criticize the Israeli government's policies.

No matter how gently you say all this, you’ll probably trigger your friends’ dissonance and defensive buttons. But at least you’ll be starting off on some common ground. That’s why I suggest avoiding the question of Israel’s moral right or wrong and sticking to the practical question of security. Focusing on the moral issue may well press the defensive buttons so hard, the conversation may end before it begins. Focusing on security improves the chances that your friends will listen to your criticisms of Israeli policy.

They may never agree with you completely. But if you can understand them sympathetically, you can help them begin to listen to new viewpoints. Eventually, they may begin to think about Israel in new, more peace-affirming ways. That alone can make a tremendous difference. It’s worth the effort.

Ira Chernus is Professor of Religious Studies at the University of Colorado at Boulder. He is the author of "American Nonviolence: The History of an Idea" and, most recently, "Monster to Destroy: The Neoconservative War on Terror and Sin." Email to: chernus@colorado.edu.
http://www.commondreams.org/views06/0810-22.htm
###

Follow Your Bliss,
Ben
_________________
"We are the Ones we have been waiting for."
~Hopi Elder ~

"In Lak'ech"
~ Ancient Mayan: "I am another YOU." ~

[aeroplane]

[aeroplane]

[sara]

about
that " something" , http://www.thereligionofpeace.com/index.html#Attacks

which you can also see as propaganda and Myths but for some it is reality.
_________________
“When one is connected above,’’ he said
quietly, “he does not fall below.”
OINK OINK OINK OINK OINK...

[Ferre]

Remember when you commented about an article that was written on a white suprematists website Sara?

You just posted a link to a racist anti muslim site.

Please do not link to hatred feeding racist sites, I do not want to link from our domain to scum like that.

Besides, when one would make a similar list of only the children that Israel has slaughtered the past five months this list would be twice as long as the one posted on that hate site.
_________________
█ Please read the Board Rules and Posting, and you
█ Radio Free Amsterdam
People who know truth, speak truth.
Those who don't, quote scriptures.

[Ferre]

Remember when you commented about an article that was written on a white suprematists website Sara?

You just posted a link to a racist anti muslim site.

Please do not link to hatred feeding racist sites, I do not want to link from our domain to scum like that.

Besides, when one would make a similar list of only the children that Israel has slaughtered the past five months this list would be twice as long as the one posted on that hate site.
_________________
█ Please read the Board Rules and Posting, and you
█ Radio Free Amsterdam
People who know truth, speak truth.
Those who don't, quote scriptures.

[aeroplane]

I wish that someone could teach me how to speak to my pro-zionist christian family and friends...


...without pissing them off too much.


_________________
"Penalties against the possession of a drug
should not be more damaging to the individual
than the drug itself."

US President Jimmy Carter

[aeroplane]

I wish that someone could teach me how to speak to my pro-zionist christian family and friends...


...without pissing them off too much.


_________________
"Penalties against the possession of a drug
should not be more damaging to the individual
than the drug itself."

US President Jimmy Carter

[sara]

You're playing that old chestnut Ferre....the racist card. Muslims are not a race but members of a cult that includes a number of races. So forget that blind accusation.
_________________
“When one is connected above,’’ he said
quietly, “he does not fall below.”
OINK OINK OINK OINK OINK...

[BroRo]

Under European Union Directive DCLXVI it is compulsory for all contributors to take the following Islamophobia test immediately:
YOU MAY BE AN ISLAMOPHOBE IF...

(1) You refer to the midwinter holiday as 'Christmas'.

(2) You save loose change in a p***y-bank.

(3) You allow your children to read unexpurgated versions of Winnie the Pooh.

(4) You doubt whether it's politically correct to stone rape victims.

(5) You believe that the earth is round.

(6) You think there's something weird about a 50 year old man marrying a six year old girl.

(7) Your children have Barbie dolls or Teddy Bears

( You object to being a second class citizen in your own country.

(9) You fail to celebrate cultural diversity when your daughter is gang-raped for not wearing a headscarf.

(10) You think government policy should be determined by your elected representatives rather than a howling mob.

(11) You object to your taxes being used to support people who are plotting to kill you.

(12) You aren't convinced that 'Jihad' means 'Inner Spiritual Struggle'.

(13) You don't understand why the Jews must be exterminated.

(14) You allow your children to play with LEGO.

(15) You aren't married to at least one of your cousins.

(16) You sometimes have doubts about BBC reporting.

(17) You occasionally wonder what's inside those walking tents.

(1 You realise that taqiyya is not a Mexican beverage.

(19) You believe moderate Muslims ride unicorns.

(20) You don't appreciate the multicultural need for Methodist grandmothers to be body-cavity searched before boarding aircraft.

(21) You claim to understand the words "Slay the unbelievers wherever you find them", even though you don't speak Arabic.

(22) You object to taxpayers' money being spent for terrorists to hold a festival to commemorate the anniversary of their massacres.

(23) You have reservations about 'faith schools' where the kids will be taught that you and your family are najis (excrement), at public expense.

(24) You don't understand why flying your country's flag has become a hate-crime.

(25) You don't appreciate why it is so insensitive and offensive for the police to prevent oppressed minorities venting their frustration by mass murder.


EVALUATING YOUR SCORE
How many of the questions did you answer 'YES' ?

On a scale of 0 to 25

0 you are a Dhimmi
1 to 5 you are a Najis Kaffir
6 to 10 you are an Islamophobe
11 to 15 you are a Thought Criminal
16 to 20 you are an Enemy of Allah
21 to 25 you are a Zionist Crusader offspring of pigs and monkeys.

Fatwas are automatically awarded for all scores above 5

Fatwas will be posted in plain brown paper envelopes in laminated or embossed styles, generously sprinkled with ricin, anthrax, sarin or cobalt-60.


Taqiya=deception. In other words,lying.
Kaffir=a non-believer
Dhimmi=a non-believer or Infidel who has surrendered to and is subject to Islamic rule and law.
_________________
don't pull no punches but don't push the river

[BroRo]

I can see that posters on this site are caught up in appeasing fascism and turning a blind eye to an obvious threat to the freedoms that we have. Some would call it civilisation but we don't want to waste time arguing about that, do we? You guys remind me of Neville Chamberlain and the rest of Europe who believed in an open dialogue with Hitler and trusted him throughout the 30s. I guess you don't want to believe that a war has been declared against our culture.

Do you honestly believe that Islamic society would allow you to follow your bliss and give you the right to get high? no, you can kiss goodbye to that and everything else you love dearly like freedom of speech.

It's time to get real and stop loathing your own culture and value it.


Try reading this with an open mind and without the usual partisan mindset.


http://www.coranix.com/beastycult.htm
_________________
don't pull no punches but don't push the river

[BroRo]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d51poygEXYU&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Flittlegreenfootballs%2Ecom%2Fweblog%2F%3Fentry%3D22137%5FHitler%5Fthe%5FMufti%5Fof%5FJerusalem%5Fand%5FIslamic%5FFascism%26only



Just for good measure, as I can see from some of the comments here that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. This is from a mainstream German TV channel. So, no, it's not from a right wing website.
_________________
don't pull no punches but don't push the river

[Ferre]

[Ferre]

[Rev. Jack]

[Brother Adam]

Appeasing fascism? Are you kidding me? Fascism is alive and well right here in the good ole USA. I think it is you, sir, who is barking up the wrong tree. The people on this site are against war, greed, power, lies, corruption, and injustice. All of these things have been perpetrated by either the US or the Israeli govt in a constant struggle for control of the entire planet.

You might be a partiot if you:

Question why your phones are tapped illegaly.

Question why your government is mining data and tracking all communications.

Question both the reasons for the war in Iraq and our continued fighting when everyone knows it started over a LIE.

Question the govts authority to arrest and jail people without probable cause or due process.

Question the presidents authority to declare war without congress' consent.

Question the "official" version of events on 9-11.

If you can see the obvious connections in everything that is happening around the world today. (i.e. Dick Cheney + Iraq's Oil)

If you wonder why an ill-defined "terrorist" should give the govt the power to bypass all of our fundamental laws.

If you wonder why NO muslim fanatic group ANYWHERE on earth claimed the attack on 9-11, because they ALWAYS do, if they perpatrate the events.

I could make this list miles long. You sir, are not a patriot. You are a blind follower of the reich. No, not right, reich. Left this, right that....blah! The mere fact that you use those terms is clear indication you have NO earthly idea what is really going on around you.
_________________
-Brother Adam (we are all one family)

“Knowledge will forever govern ignorance; and a people who mean to be their own governors must arm themselves with the power which knowledge gives.”

-James Madison

Police officers acquitted for beating a 64 yr old man recently in New Orleans. In the words of their defense attorney "all he had to do was comply"....and they wouldn't have fractured his face.

[Brother Adam]

Appeasing fascism? Are you kidding me? Fascism is alive and well right here in the good ole USA. I think it is you, sir, who is barking up the wrong tree. The people on this site are against war, greed, power, lies, corruption, and injustice. All of these things have been perpetrated by either the US or the Israeli govt in a constant struggle for control of the entire planet.

You might be a partiot if you:

Question why your phones are tapped illegaly.

Question why your government is mining data and tracking all communications.

Question both the reasons for the war in Iraq and our continued fighting when everyone knows it started over a LIE.

Question the govts authority to arrest and jail people without probable cause or due process.

Question the presidents authority to declare war without congress' consent.

Question the "official" version of events on 9-11.

If you can see the obvious connections in everything that is happening around the world today. (i.e. Dick Cheney + Iraq's Oil)

If you wonder why an ill-defined "terrorist" should give the govt the power to bypass all of our fundamental laws.

If you wonder why NO muslim fanatic group ANYWHERE on earth claimed the attack on 9-11, because they ALWAYS do, if they perpatrate the events.

I could make this list miles long. You sir, are not a patriot. You are a blind follower of the reich. No, not right, reich. Left this, right that....blah! The mere fact that you use those terms is clear indication you have NO earthly idea what is really going on around you.
_________________
-Brother Adam (we are all one family)

“Knowledge will forever govern ignorance; and a people who mean to be their own governors must arm themselves with the power which knowledge gives.”

-James Madison

Police officers acquitted for beating a 64 yr old man recently in New Orleans. In the words of their defense attorney "all he had to do was comply"....and they wouldn't have fractured his face.

[jessica]

Wow,

You know I really thought that people here had more couth than to go on a rampage about all of the "PERCEIVED" faults of the one of the worlds largest religions. You can't kill off all of them, although it sounds as if sara and Brodro wpouldn't bat an eye if they were all wiped off the map. Please I am sick of looking at propaganda from someone who claims to read "animal Farm" you sara should oink instead of type such hateful speech. I lived in Jeddah Saudi Arabia from 1983-1986. They have a different Culture and Belief system, however we were never exposed to any "Mean" Arabs. You people sound like the very same folks who thought Slavery was no Big deal, let us not start casting stones about Religion. All sides have skeletons in their closets. Yes, Rev. Adam was right ya'll sound just like those folks who were cheering on Hitler. We wonder why War and death still occur, because of people spreading lies they hear through anything other than fact. Where you in Rwanda? I bet you would spread the message that the "Cockroaches'" needed to be destroyed. The world would instantly be a better place if everyone just kept their mouth shut if they had nothing nice to say.
_________________
Peace and Blessings to All,

Sister Jessica

[sara]

Jessica,don't tell me what I should or shouldn't do or write, who do you think you are?

it looks as if you feel great living in sharia law but no everyone is like you.
_________________
“When one is connected above,’’ he said
quietly, “he does not fall below.”
OINK OINK OINK OINK OINK...

[sara]

Telling people what they can or cannot say and to shut up when it doesn't fit your world view is a fascist act. Underneath your surface skin deep 'pacifism' lies aggession and prejudice.
I've noticed with dismay that everyone posting here is locked into the same mindset and political/world view, in spite of what information they are presented with. If that information contradicts their world view they reject it and throw it out without even checking whether there's any truth in it or not. This stubborn and wilful denial of what is blatantly obvious is really depressing and disturbing.......it's like some kind of sickness, a refusal to see objectively. Just sticking to the old anti-American and anti-Semitic prejudices.
Well, that's nice and safe because your identity is wrapped up in it,depends on it. That's where you stand. Well, how about shifting that perspective and standing in another place.

The reality is there.....it's very big with four thick legs and has a long trunk and is in the room.

The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but
because of those who look on and do nothing.
--Albert Einstein
_________________
“When one is connected above,’’ he said
quietly, “he does not fall below.”
OINK OINK OINK OINK OINK...