Allah has made the decision

[sara]

Islamic Heaven officials have announced a major policy shift which could significantly impact upon proclaimed jihads across the world. The Virgins for Martyrs program, a central tenet of jihadist philosophy for more than a thousand years, has been cancelled.

“Allah has made the decision. We won’t be housing any more suicidal jihadists,” Islamic Heaven spokeswoman, Sukai Sanchez told the media. “So the virgins are no longer needed.”

This dramatic shift in policy is not unexpected. Just last year Brainsnap reported that Islamic Heaven officials were finding it difficult to recruit the necessary virgins to satisfy the increasing number of suicide bombers knocking on their door.